


Morning Glory

by scioubeez



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Attempt at Humor, Breaking the Fourth Wall, Canon Universe, Crack, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, No Angst, Wet Dream, yeah i know shocking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-19
Updated: 2020-10-19
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:08:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,287
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27107716
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scioubeez/pseuds/scioubeez
Summary: Porco has a strange dream, and it's all Reiner's fault, of course.
Relationships: Reiner Braun/Porco Galliard
Comments: 5
Kudos: 90





	Morning Glory

**Author's Note:**

> i'm not sorry
> 
> Also slight manga spoilers

So, Porco Galliard's life up until now has been a hell of a ride, you could say.

First: he loves his brother the most in the whole world, so obviously said brother gets chosen for a life-threatening mission that will separate the two of them for who knows how long, not to mention his shortened lifespan (thirteen years is nothing, really, Porco himself is twelve and he doesn't even remember what he ate for dinner yesterday) and how he's leaving him behind to wait for his return. Things couldn't possibly get worse, one could say.

Second: after five years, his brother doesn't come back, actually only _one_ of them comes back, and he's the most useless and weak and pathetic person in the bunch. He brought back his brother's Titan, yes, thank you very much for doing the bare minimum, you can fuck back off to that island and try to do something about the mess you've single-handedly made. Porco is a very frustrated person most of the time now, and he just won't open the can of worms that is the disappearance of his brother, because now is not the time and really, what do you care? You're not here to read about that, are you? I'm not seeing “brotherly relationship” in the tags anyway, so you might want to look elsewhere for that.

Back to the matter at hand: Porco is frustrated, especially on Monday mornings and whenever Mister Dead Last Braun shows up with his irritating face and perfectly ironed uniform and everything, and when the lettuce in his sandwich goes soft and its taste gets all watery and disappointing.

You can probably imagine a multitude of ways in which things could get worse, perhaps going from the least irritating one to the most homicide-inducing option, but we'll save you the excruciating pain of having to go through all of that: let's get to the hypothetical bottom of the pit right away.

So, it's a Monday, of course it is, and Porco wakes up in his bed completely covered in sweat, short of breath, and with his pants wet. And it's certainly not piss. Porco would know and, most importantly, Porco would _never_. His body is too polite for that.

So he's woken up from a wet dream, alright. Not a big deal, it happens sometimes. The problem is, he can recall pretty clearly what, or rather, who he dreamt of.

Yeah, you can probably guess who it was about: you did read the tags, after all.

I suppose we can gloss over Porco's angriest wank of his life, then.

*

Porco considers his options.

A) punching Reiner Braun right on the nose;

B) asking Pieck for advice, because she won't judge (not out loud, at least) and she's been his rock for so long she'll probably guess who the wet dream was about right off the bat;

C) punching Reiner Braun right on the nose.

All the options seem reasonable enough, but we can't have that, so Porco goes for option D, obviously.

What is option D, you ask? Come on! Have you ever read a fanfiction before?

*

“Braun. We need to talk.”

Reiner Braun looks up, because he's sitting, not because Porco suddenly grew 30cm taller, and he looks so stupid, no wonder there's barely anyone taller than him. It's like the gods knew. Anyway, his eyes glow, and they're very pretty, so wasted on a face like that.

“Alright,” he concedes, and stands up, now looking at Porco from his 188cm of height, how dare he. Reiner follows him, and Porco realizes way too late that he has literally no idea where to go: he can't just lead them to Reiner's room, can he? This is not a fanfiction after all. Though that's the most privacy they can get, because no one ever goes to Reiner's room nowadays.

Whatever, he'll just ask. “Can we go to your room?”

Reiner does not read fanfiction, and it shows, because he nods without suspecting anything. How pure.

Once they're in, and Reiner closes the door behind him, Porco lets it out without thinking. “I had a wet dream about you last night.”

 _Now_ Reiner freezes on the spot, hand still on the doorknob, and his eyes open so comically wide Porco fears they could pop out and roll over on the floor.

“You had what.”

Porco is getting flustered! He's red all over! Things couldn't possibly get worse than this. “Don't make me say it twice. It's bad enough that I've actually told you!”

Reiner finally lets go of the doorknob and clears his throat, doing a poor job of masking a snort- what, like it's fun? “I... I don't know what to say? Sorry?”

“Yeah, whatever. Forget about it. I just had to tell you or I would've gone mad.”

It's clear Reiner's not buying it: he studies Porco, squinting at him, a faint smile still stretching over his lips. “So that's why you've been looking at me like that all day.”

“Like what,” sputters Porco, fisting his hands into the pockets of his jacket. It's not like he's been checking Reiner out or anything!

Reiner lets a short laugh out of his plump lips, and oh, Porco's got it bad, the dream really messed everything up because now he's _staring_ and all. “I'm just fooling around with you. Don't worry, it happens.”

“So you're not going to take the piss?” inquiries Porco, trying to sound as menacing as possible, though Reiner's still got that shit-eating smirk plastered over his problematic mouth.

“I'm not going to take the piss, I swear,” he says, and his words have the same energy as _it's not you, it's me,_ or _them? Don't worry, they're not my type,_ so basically the most threatening incarnation of the concept of bullshit itself. Of course he's going to take the piss, why wouldn't he.

“Yeah, like I believe you,” snorts Porco, and Reiner shrugs, running a hand through his hair absent-mindedly, triggering a suddenly vivid flashback in Porco's mind of his own hands running through his hair, to pull as Reiner _moans_ under him-

Stop. Look at the rating, we _can't_ talk about it.

“Sorry for the inconvenience,” snorts Reiner again, and Porco swears to himself, he's going to make his life even worse from now on.

*

What happens when person A confesses to person B that they've had wet dreams about them? They become a couple, of course. That's just how it is, and that's why Porco and Reiner are hugging in bed right now. No suspension of disbelief needed, that's exactly what happens, all it takes is a matter of days an ideal alignment of the planets, and a very bored fic writer struggling with writer's block.

“So what was that dream about?”

Porco rolls his eyes. “I'm not going to tell you.”

“Oh, come on. Why not. It can't be that embarrassing.”

“It is! We don't have to share everything, you know?”

Reiner almost pouts at that, Porco can feel it, with his lips pressed to his cheek and all. “Alright,” he murmurs, placing a light kiss on his skin, goosebumps erupting all over the right side of Porco's body. He loves when he does that. Oh, the sweet taste of forbidden, canon-breaking fluff.

“I'll tell you when we come back from Paradis, alright? Just leave it alone until then,” he concedes eventually, and Reiner nods, hugging him tighter and kissing him again.

*

Yes, they _do_ come back from Paradis alive, both of them! You didn't expect it, did you? They also kissed a lot and swore eternal love to each other while they were at it.

For the last time, you _did_ read the tags, didn't you?

**Author's Note:**

> going through a writer's block? write a crackfic! it works wonders


End file.
